Growing up as an education-driven boy who became a troubled teenager, 48-year-old John Green has transformed many versions of himself into who he is today: an author, vlogger, and educator. Green lived a normal life as a child looking forward to school until reaching high school, where he felt that the challenge given was lackluster. As a result, he chose not to engage, which led him to being perceived as minuscule compared to his younger brother, Hank Green.
“I underachieved, and I skipped classes, and I didn’t do my homework, and I didn’t do the reading, and I was always behind and stressed out,” said Green in a 2015 vlogbrothers video. “And even though I was a crap student, I still had excellent teachers who continued to believe in me despite my not giving them a reason to.”
Green had teachers who wanted to see him succeed however could only do so much in an attempt to reach him. On a junior year of high school report card his English teacher said, “Incredible potential as an English student, but he’s reached a juncture where he just can’t mail it in anymore.” He ended this course with a C-, but how did he get so far in an English, and writing based career?
“Most of the time it’s not like there’s one fork in the road, and you choose one, or you choose the other. There are hundreds of forks in the road every day that you’re alive,” said Green.
Throughout high school, Green didn’t know some of his daily habits were signs of anxiety, depression disorder, and OCD until later on in his life. He had the urge to fit in, something that is likely understood by most teenagers which led him to put up an act. Green wanted his peers to see him as “cool,” and he wanted to appear as though he didn’t need to study that much, but in reality, he was struggling mentally, unsure what to do to seek help.
Once in college Green wanted to pursue writing, though this led him to feel discouraged when he didn’t get accepted into the Advanced Fiction writing class. This however didn’t last long, as Green had a teacher who was honest but helpful.
“I had this great teacher and he said, listen, the reason you didn’t get into that class is because your story isn’t very good. And yet you tell stories that are so good and so funny and really moving. And if you could find a way to just write the way that you tell stories, you’d be a good writer,” said Green in an interview with journalist Joss Fong.
Every writer has their own style of writing but that can be one of the hardest things to learn. Green had written multiple books before The Fault in Our Stars, such as Looking for Alaska, An Abundance of Kathrines, Paper Towns, and many more. But after The Fault in Our Stars grew in popularity at such a rate, Green feared that he would never be able to write something and it would gain the same popularity.
Green has talked openly about his OCD and anxiety in many interviews, and when The Fault in Our Stars was released in 2012 and the movie adaptation in 2014, he started to become consumed by his anxiety. He believed he wouldn’t be able to write something that would stand up to the same level again and had thoughts of not writing more novels.
“Occasionally I wanted to not live up to my potential because that meant that I had potential,” said Green in an interview with Rachel Martin and NPR. “If you don’t try then you don’t fail except it turns out that you do fail if you don’t try, both literally and figuratively. I spend more time in my head by a very wide margin. What’s it like there is pretty intense.”
Green continues to struggle with OCD and anxiety in his life today but has since found coping mechanisms. Accepting the feelings is part of healing, though Green went through it the hard way. Green is now a successful author and has been able to share his insight with the world.
“There’s always rooms inside of my my mind that I’ve never visited or I don’t know how to get to and that’s a lot of why I make creative work because it’s a chance to visit those rooms somehow, a chance to feel my understanding of my own self expand in some ways, but I spend a lot of time in my head and not all of it is healthy if I’m honest with you,” said Green.
Green chooses to create with the resources he has. Your own brain can be one of the greatest resources when it comes to creating whether it’s art or writing. Green took control of the life he was given and through ups and downs made it the fullest, most rewarding experience he could for himself.
